Has your victim card expired yet? Are you SICK and TIRED of harping on old issues that continue to hold you hostage? Why do you think we hold past hurts in our hearts? I understand how one may consider these questions to be without empathy, however, the truth is emotional freedom can start with the thought of these very questions.
There is a unique difference of remembering what experiences a person has encountered then permanently incarcerating a horrid life episode in one’s memory. Over time, it is pointless to continue to hold on to the issues and the hurt associated with the said act. One reason forgiveness appears impossible is because many people have the notion that forgiveness is an act for the “abuser”. In reality, forgiveness is simply freedom for the “abused” and the beginning of a smooth healing process.
Generally, forgiveness is a decision to let go of resentment and thoughts of revenge. The act that hurt or offended you might always remain a part of your life, but forgiveness can lessen its grip on you and help you focus on other, more positive parts of your life. Forgiveness can even lead to feelings of understanding, empathy and compassion for the one who hurt you. (Mayo Clinic Staff, 2014)
I did that for years after I left one relationship and the aftermath was overwhelming. I found myself telling the story and using it as a guide for the future so much that it became my identity. To be honest it was hard but I had to learn to let go and move on. No one is a lifetime victim and besides having a victim mentality is makes you irresponsible, selfish, and stagnant.
Dearest Carriece,
Thank you for your comment. I am most certainly happy to hear you have put in the work in order to move on. Yes, it is a difficult task however, it is definitely worth the work. Victim mentalities incarcerate personal growth and one can never move forward walking backward.
Positivity is contagious,
The Positive Push Pamela D.
Very tired. Wish there was a I don’t give a fxxx pill I could take. I think I forgive people but I really don’t and find myself holding on to so much. Can never turn the thoughts in my head off. I feel like a fraud. Going to try to keep up with your blogs to see if it helps me. IDK sometimes.
Dearest Carzella,
I’m most grateful for your comment. There is a similar antidote to the “I don’t give a Fxxx pill” it’s called setting boundaries and sticking to them. Most likely, the reason you feel you need such a pill is because you over-extend yourself. Not being able to turn the thoughts off in your head is equal to individuals living rent free in your head. Forgiveness is a difficult task and I don’t believe you should beat yourself up because for a struggle with this task. Admitting there is an issue it the first and biggest step of correction. If you truly move toward forgiveness the universe will move in your favor but you have some work to do. The work includes not allowing yourself to be hurt, treated or mistreated by the same act that caused the resentment. You are on your way if you began to love yourself first things will start to fall right into place.
Positivity is contagious,
The Positive Push Pamela D.
In all my years the only person I’ve continued to hold a grudge against is the clown that sent the police to my front door for a crime I didn’t commit. He accused me of shooting at him after he shot up my girlfriend’s car. I have tried to forgive him and move on but I’m reminded of that night every time I apply for a job and get told “unfortunately because of your background we are unable to move forward in the process. We wish you the best of luck in your search.” I mean I can go get a college degree, get certified in all types of trades, volunteer in the community and for political campaigns and none of that matters. I’ll always be looked at as a violent sociopath.
With everything else I have always been quick to let go of the past. I don’t believe any of us have the time or energy to waste dwelling on things we won’t ever be able to go back and change.
Dearest David,
I truly appreciate your comment. I can only imagine how difficult forgiveness for an umbrage such as this could be. You are totally right; you definitely have a constant reminder of the pain you endured due to this horrible act. The hard reality is…. the difficulty behind this offence is something you will have to live with for a while. For whatever reason, (that often appear unexplainable) certain people are chosen to experience difficult life episodes. However, (on a positive note) you have endured incarceration for the act you didn’t commit and made it through. It is my belief that with time, a continued effort of forgiveness and hard work this issue will no longer hold your success or emotional freedom hostage.
Positivity is contagious,
The Positive Push Pamela D.